You’re not alone.Emma’s diary (18+) →

Chapter 4 · Her

Making AI images of myself as a trans girl: is it bad?

By the creator · a true story

Short answer

Is it bad to make AI images of myself as a girl?

Not in itself: it’s a private fantasy about a fictional version of you. For some people it even replaces hours of porn searching, because the fantasy is right there. The real risk is the “one more image” loop eating your nights.

Previously: hours hunting for a trans girl who looked like me, and an empty feeling no video could fill. Start from the beginning

“For years I searched for her. Then a machine let me make her.”

Then AI image generators arrived.

And for the first time in my life, I didn’t have to search for her. I could make her.

Me. As a cute trans girl. In the clothes I’d imagined a thousand times. Realistic, or anime. The face I’d been hunting across a thousand videos, right there on my screen, looking back at me.

Ten years of fantasy, finally made real.

One more

And then a new loop started.

Make her. Change the hair. Different outfit. Cuter face. One more. Okay, one more. Edging, stopping, starting again. I wanted to be asleep at 11. It was 2am.

The slot machine hadn’t gone away. It had just learned my face.

What I understand now

Honestly, for me porn was worse. The endless search for someone who looked like me could swallow a whole day, and I never found her. With AI there’s no search: it’s you.
But AI has its own slot machine: there’s always a slightly more perfect version one click away.
Making her never hurt me. Hating myself for it did.
She became part of how I accepted this side of me instead of fighting it. I even built a little diary for her.

If this is you

Decide when you’re calm, not in the middle when you’re horny.
Watch for the “just one more” thought. That’s exactly where the hours go.
Protect your sleep. A night lost to this always feels worse than the thing itself.
If you made one you like, you’re allowed to stop right there.

More questions

Is AI better or worse than porn for this fantasy?: For some people it’s less consuming than hunting porn for hours, because the fantasy is right there. But the “one more image” loop can be just as long if you don’t watch it.
Does making AI images of myself as a girl mean I’m trans?: No, not by itself. It’s a fantasy you can finally see. Chapter 6 is about telling a fantasy from an identity.

You’re not alone either

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Written from personal experience, not medical advice. If you’re struggling, a qualified professional can help.